The letters keep coming in for parenting advise and people are sending more letters and emails. I might have to get a staff to help respond. Remember all the names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Dear Our Life,
Long time reader, first time writer. We have a 2.5 year old and almost 1 year old. He is 360 days old (I personally think it's the same writer from the last time) and I am a worrier. Let say, if one morning morning while getting the kids ready to leave the house for daycare, I can't find the car seat for the 1 year old because it was left in the wife's car (because we are tired of caring him in the car seat because it is sooo heavy), what should I do?
Thanks,
Worried I Might Forget Something
Dear Worried I Might Forget Something,
Thanks for reading and sending in your letter. Talk about being in a pickle or being caught between a rock and a hard place. I think you have a couple of options...
A. Call the wife and tell her to bring the car seat back to you. The success of this option will depend upon how long she has been gone and how far away her office is located. Also, who took the 1 year old out of the car seat last? If it was you, I would suggest one of the other options because calling the wife is not going to go very well.
B. Walk the kids to Day Care. This option requires you to be close enough to walk and also the desire to walk that far 1st thing in the morning. I personally am too lazy for this option and our Day Care is only 2 blocks away. This is your call.
C. Take the kids one at a time to Day Care using the one car seat you have. This probably is not a good option because you have to leave one behind and everybody knows you never leave one behind (never leave your wing man). This option is always a bad idea but I included it because I know you would be thinking about.
D. Take the day off and stay home...Nothing wrong with this option - winner all the way around.
E. Load them up in the car and make a run for day care. Before giving you the details of this option, you have to prepared for the consequences if something goes wrong (like getting stopped by an officer, getting in a fender bender, parents in the parking lot a day care questioning you...etc - any of those could result in being in the newspaper and Harve Jacobs trying to interview you). Since your youngest is almost 1, put he/she in the forward facing car seat of your oldest and let your oldest sit in seat like a big girl/boy buckle them up. However, by putting the oldest in the big girl/boy seat you will need to engage the window locks, door locks and child safety door locks. If you don't, this could happen to you. I would only recommend this option, if you can drive on back roads, through subdivision and it is less than 2 miles from your house. You might not want to make a big deal about it with your 2 year old. They will want to tell their teachers about them riding in "Their new big girl/boy seat" and then you have to explain or just act like they are being silly and you don't have a clue what they are talking about (when in doubt deny, deny, deny - it's your word against a 2.5 year old - unless as mentioned above you get caught).
F. Call a friend with car seats
G. Call a friend or relative to come stay with one of the kids so you can do option C.
H. Call a relative who is retired and have them stay with the kids for the day, if the daycare is too far away for option G.
I. If a relative is not available, call a last minute babysitter but then that will cost you some money and then you have to explain to your spouse why you can't go out to eat for dinner because you blew the budget on the babysitter.
My recommendation is D, F, G or H, probably not what I would actually do but the best options.
Good Luck,
Our Life
Monday, February 28, 2011
What did she say? Did she just say....?
Most of what Aubrey says I can attribute to LA or I and I will take full responsibility for it - good, bad or funny. However, there are some that are head scratchers and we don't have a clue where they came from (probably Day Care). I wanted to write them down so one day we could have another laugh and because I will never remember all of them...
*One night while eating dinner she told us "That's disgusting" and it has now become "I don't want any disgusting on it."
*"I don't like" which can translate two ways - I don't like it and I am NOT going to eat it (usually followed by "It's disgusting") or I don't like it and I am going to eat it.
*While eating dinner one night LA told Aubrey that the potatoes were not hot and she could eat them. Without trying them Aubrey said "They are hot.". LA told her to eat the potatoes and she put the potatoes in her mouth and immediately spit them out because they were hot. LA had touched to edge and not the middle of them and sure enough they were hot and Aubrey looked at LA and said "I told you so."
*"Your Killing Me"
More coming later...
*One night while eating dinner she told us "That's disgusting" and it has now become "I don't want any disgusting on it."
*"I don't like" which can translate two ways - I don't like it and I am NOT going to eat it (usually followed by "It's disgusting") or I don't like it and I am going to eat it.
*While eating dinner one night LA told Aubrey that the potatoes were not hot and she could eat them. Without trying them Aubrey said "They are hot.". LA told her to eat the potatoes and she put the potatoes in her mouth and immediately spit them out because they were hot. LA had touched to edge and not the middle of them and sure enough they were hot and Aubrey looked at LA and said "I told you so."
*"Your Killing Me"
More coming later...
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Valentine's Day Videos
For Christmas, I got a "flip" style video camera (but mine is cooler than the brand name Flip because it can go underwater and shoots video in HD 1080...blah,blah, blah). Aubrey has figured out what a camera/video camera does (she knows you can view the picture/video immediately on the screen) and now wants to make "bideo's" all the time. As you will see below, she is only good for about a 30 second/1 minute clip because she wants to see the video immediately. It's been fun and I will be posting more videos in the future.
Aubrey was excited about Valentine's day (or as she called it Balentine's day - yes, she struggles with the letter V). We made a couple of videos for the special day. Hope you had a great Valentine's Day!
For Mommy
Aubrey loves my sister's daughter, Meghan. I don't know why but she does (ha!ha!). When we tell Aubrey she is going to get to see Meghan (not often enough...yes, I am not above a guilt trip), she asks "Where is MY Meghan". Last weekend when my sister visited, she greeted everyone with "Hello" and immediately asked my sister "where is MY Meghan" (my sister than had to break her heart (she must have cried and looked all over mom and dads house for MY Meghan for at least an hour) because Meghan didn't come for the visit because of some lame "I'm in college and playing soccer...blah, blah, blah). Anyway, we made a bideo for Meghan for Balentine's Day.
For MY Meghan - Take 1
For HER Meghan - Take 2
Love you Mommy and Meghan!
Aubrey was excited about Valentine's day (or as she called it Balentine's day - yes, she struggles with the letter V). We made a couple of videos for the special day. Hope you had a great Valentine's Day!
For Mommy
Aubrey loves my sister's daughter, Meghan. I don't know why but she does (ha!ha!). When we tell Aubrey she is going to get to see Meghan (not often enough...yes, I am not above a guilt trip), she asks "Where is MY Meghan". Last weekend when my sister visited, she greeted everyone with "Hello" and immediately asked my sister "where is MY Meghan" (my sister than had to break her heart (she must have cried and looked all over mom and dads house for MY Meghan for at least an hour) because Meghan didn't come for the visit because of some lame "I'm in college and playing soccer...blah, blah, blah). Anyway, we made a bideo for Meghan for Balentine's Day.
For MY Meghan - Take 1
For HER Meghan - Take 2
Love you Mommy and Meghan!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
3
If you are unsure what this post is about by the title then you probably want to stop reading here and find something else to do with your time that will be more meaningful.
I would be remiss if I did not post about last weekends events in Daytona Beach, FL and a little race called the DAYTONA 500. On Friday, February 18th they remembered the 10 year anniversary of Dale Earnhardt's death in Turn 4. For NASCAR fans everyone knows where they were that day. It's like everyone knows where you were when the Space Shuttle Challenger crashed, the Berlin Wall came down, JFK was shot, Pearl Harbor,...etc. Where were you on Sunday, February 18th, 2001? I was in the infield at The Daytona 500. A group of guys made a yearly pilgrimage every February to take part in the greatest redneck sport in the USA (this was before NASCAR went corporate...actually, we stopped going to the Daytona 500 when it went corporate and the bean counters took over and began to run the average Joe 6 Pack off from the infield). I did this with them I can't remember how many years - like 7 or 8 years (mid 90's to early 2000's). This wasn't a five star resort weekend down on Daytona Beach (I guess it depends upon who you asked, if it was 5 star). We lived in a old school bus (actually old is a relative term because I am pretty sure SC is still using the exact same style of bus we had), painted faded red with a black stripe (which was painted in the rain a couple of days before the maiden voyage from Tifton, GA to Daytona Beach) with all the seats taken out, no running water, no restroom (except the great outdoors and your neighbors tire), three sofas, an army cot, a foam egg create, and a platform on top of the bus to watch the race with your cooler and your friends (I am going to try to locate a picture of the bus but it was before digital cameras, so it not quite as easy as looking on your computer for it). The typically plan for Raceweeks was my friends in GA would take the bus to Daytona the Saturday two weeks before the Daytona 500 to get in line for the infield for the NASCAR races and leave it for a week and a half. We would arrive in Daytona on Wednesday or Thursday in time to watch the Twin 125's, get our passes (we might have been in a school bus, living in the infield but we had All - Access passes that let us come and go as we pleased (everyone else was stuck inside the track once they were in the infield. They could walk out but they could not drive their car out. We could. I don't think I could have survived three days just in the infield without being able to leave) and get ready to enter the infield in the bus with our exit vehicles behind the bus. If you have ever wondered what it was like during the land rushes come talk to me. The first couple of years it was the wild west, everyone for themselves with no organization or direction on where to park - put it anywhere you want it in Turns 1, 2 and the down the backstretch in front of the lake (great view but so far from the track). We always tried to get at the exit of Turn 2 where the action happened coming out of the corner or down the backstretch. Each morning when you would wake up and look outside more and more people had piled into the infield and somehow found a place to park in places you didn't think a car or motor home could fit. I could tell you the stories about late night in the infield or our trips outside the tracks to the local watering holes but that will be for a different post or invite me over one Sunday afternoon and we can drink some beer, watch the race and I can tell you about life in the infield at Daytona International Speedway during Speedweeks. Back to February 18, 2001, we were not able to see the crash in Turn 4 but heard about it and didn't know the extent of Dale's injuries but as we were in line to leave (which is another painfully long story that happened every year) just sitting there, we heard the announcement over the track PA system that Dale Earnhardt had died from injuries sustained in the crash in Turn 4 on the last lap of the Daytona 500 in which he had been blocking everybody behind him because Michael Waltrip and Dale Jr were leading the race and he owned both the cars. When I heard the news, I wanted to immediately be home so I could see wreck (my father would record the race for me so I could watch it when I got home to see any excitement that I might have missed). When I finally saw the wreck, I like everyone else wondered how that could have killed him. I had watched him flip and take what looked like much harder hits and walk away.
1996 Talladega
1997 Daytona
2001 Daytona
Ever since February 18, 2001, NASCAR hasn't been the same. On that day they lost the one person that like him or hate him was the face of NASCAR. He was a country boy from Kannapolis, NC that could wheel a race car around a track. He caused you to watch every race. Why is college football, the NFL and any other sport so popular? The fans, the rivalry and the passion it creates(what I am trying to say is the crazyness it causes people to do and purchase)...Every sports needs an evil empire and Dale Earnhardt was that for NASCAR because he was the best and to be the best you had beat him. (Don't understand what I am talking about...surely you have watched wrassling. It survives on the premise of good vs evil and I watched it for that reason. I watched Junkyard Dog, Nature Boy Rick Flair, Dusty Rhoades, The Four Horsemen - every week. People still to this day watch it (know it is fake) and pay $50 to watch it on pay-per-view...do you understand, now what I am talking about - passionate fans cause interest, tv ratings and butts in the seat) People liked him because he was a winner (7 time NASCAR champ) and people hated him because he was a winner. He caused every fan to choose a side, either you were part of the 3 Nation or you were against number 3. I was never a 3 fan. I didn't have the tattoo's, the number 3 on the car, the hats, shirts, jackets, koozies, key chains, cups, sunglasses or the flag flying at the house but if you were for him you did. I was in the underdog group - pulling for anyone (almost anyone) except the 3. It was perfect when he changed from yellow and blue Wrangler to the black and silver/white GM Goodwrench and everyone feared looking in the mirror and seeing the INTIMIDATOR coming. In case you weren't sure he was behind you, he would give you a tap and a wave. He was the Chuck Norris of NASCAR.
NASCAR changed that Sunday in 2001 and it hasn't ever been the same. No one has been able to fill those shoes and no could ever fill those shoes. NASCAR had scuffles and some dust up between the drivers but it's different that when Dale was around. They tried to bring it back last year with a "settle it on the track" attitude from NASCAR. It added some excitement but it wasn't the same. Dale was the EF Hutton of NASCAR. When he spoke everybody listened. Out of every tragedy something good generally happens. And as a result of his crash and death, NASCAR is 100% safer than it was 10 years ago - the cars, the helmets, the safety equipment, the safer barriers at the tracks. After 10 years they are still asking the same question that George Jones asked "Who's Gonna Fill There Shoes?".
I thought we were going to have the fairy tale ending and light the fire under the conspirator theory (NASCAR is fixed) camp when Dale Jr won the pole for the race and was in contention for the win when he had a flat tire that caused him to pit and then get caught up in a wreck. It would have been a good ending but it worked out pretty good with Trevor Bayne winning and putting the 21 of the Wood Brothers back in victory lane. It was just what NASCAR needed a flashback from the past with old school 21 paint scheme of David Pearson and a young (actually a kid - 20 years old who couldn't legally drink a beer in victory lane) up and coming hero winning the biggest race in NASCAR. All we need now is a villian.
Race Recap
I would be remiss if I did not post about last weekends events in Daytona Beach, FL and a little race called the DAYTONA 500. On Friday, February 18th they remembered the 10 year anniversary of Dale Earnhardt's death in Turn 4. For NASCAR fans everyone knows where they were that day. It's like everyone knows where you were when the Space Shuttle Challenger crashed, the Berlin Wall came down, JFK was shot, Pearl Harbor,...etc. Where were you on Sunday, February 18th, 2001? I was in the infield at The Daytona 500. A group of guys made a yearly pilgrimage every February to take part in the greatest redneck sport in the USA (this was before NASCAR went corporate...actually, we stopped going to the Daytona 500 when it went corporate and the bean counters took over and began to run the average Joe 6 Pack off from the infield). I did this with them I can't remember how many years - like 7 or 8 years (mid 90's to early 2000's). This wasn't a five star resort weekend down on Daytona Beach (I guess it depends upon who you asked, if it was 5 star). We lived in a old school bus (actually old is a relative term because I am pretty sure SC is still using the exact same style of bus we had), painted faded red with a black stripe (which was painted in the rain a couple of days before the maiden voyage from Tifton, GA to Daytona Beach) with all the seats taken out, no running water, no restroom (except the great outdoors and your neighbors tire), three sofas, an army cot, a foam egg create, and a platform on top of the bus to watch the race with your cooler and your friends (I am going to try to locate a picture of the bus but it was before digital cameras, so it not quite as easy as looking on your computer for it). The typically plan for Raceweeks was my friends in GA would take the bus to Daytona the Saturday two weeks before the Daytona 500 to get in line for the infield for the NASCAR races and leave it for a week and a half. We would arrive in Daytona on Wednesday or Thursday in time to watch the Twin 125's, get our passes (we might have been in a school bus, living in the infield but we had All - Access passes that let us come and go as we pleased (everyone else was stuck inside the track once they were in the infield. They could walk out but they could not drive their car out. We could. I don't think I could have survived three days just in the infield without being able to leave) and get ready to enter the infield in the bus with our exit vehicles behind the bus. If you have ever wondered what it was like during the land rushes come talk to me. The first couple of years it was the wild west, everyone for themselves with no organization or direction on where to park - put it anywhere you want it in Turns 1, 2 and the down the backstretch in front of the lake (great view but so far from the track). We always tried to get at the exit of Turn 2 where the action happened coming out of the corner or down the backstretch. Each morning when you would wake up and look outside more and more people had piled into the infield and somehow found a place to park in places you didn't think a car or motor home could fit. I could tell you the stories about late night in the infield or our trips outside the tracks to the local watering holes but that will be for a different post or invite me over one Sunday afternoon and we can drink some beer, watch the race and I can tell you about life in the infield at Daytona International Speedway during Speedweeks. Back to February 18, 2001, we were not able to see the crash in Turn 4 but heard about it and didn't know the extent of Dale's injuries but as we were in line to leave (which is another painfully long story that happened every year) just sitting there, we heard the announcement over the track PA system that Dale Earnhardt had died from injuries sustained in the crash in Turn 4 on the last lap of the Daytona 500 in which he had been blocking everybody behind him because Michael Waltrip and Dale Jr were leading the race and he owned both the cars. When I heard the news, I wanted to immediately be home so I could see wreck (my father would record the race for me so I could watch it when I got home to see any excitement that I might have missed). When I finally saw the wreck, I like everyone else wondered how that could have killed him. I had watched him flip and take what looked like much harder hits and walk away.
1996 Talladega
1997 Daytona
2001 Daytona
Ever since February 18, 2001, NASCAR hasn't been the same. On that day they lost the one person that like him or hate him was the face of NASCAR. He was a country boy from Kannapolis, NC that could wheel a race car around a track. He caused you to watch every race. Why is college football, the NFL and any other sport so popular? The fans, the rivalry and the passion it creates(what I am trying to say is the crazyness it causes people to do and purchase)...Every sports needs an evil empire and Dale Earnhardt was that for NASCAR because he was the best and to be the best you had beat him. (Don't understand what I am talking about...surely you have watched wrassling. It survives on the premise of good vs evil and I watched it for that reason. I watched Junkyard Dog, Nature Boy Rick Flair, Dusty Rhoades, The Four Horsemen - every week. People still to this day watch it (know it is fake) and pay $50 to watch it on pay-per-view...do you understand, now what I am talking about - passionate fans cause interest, tv ratings and butts in the seat) People liked him because he was a winner (7 time NASCAR champ) and people hated him because he was a winner. He caused every fan to choose a side, either you were part of the 3 Nation or you were against number 3. I was never a 3 fan. I didn't have the tattoo's, the number 3 on the car, the hats, shirts, jackets, koozies, key chains, cups, sunglasses or the flag flying at the house but if you were for him you did. I was in the underdog group - pulling for anyone (almost anyone) except the 3. It was perfect when he changed from yellow and blue Wrangler to the black and silver/white GM Goodwrench and everyone feared looking in the mirror and seeing the INTIMIDATOR coming. In case you weren't sure he was behind you, he would give you a tap and a wave. He was the Chuck Norris of NASCAR.
NASCAR changed that Sunday in 2001 and it hasn't ever been the same. No one has been able to fill those shoes and no could ever fill those shoes. NASCAR had scuffles and some dust up between the drivers but it's different that when Dale was around. They tried to bring it back last year with a "settle it on the track" attitude from NASCAR. It added some excitement but it wasn't the same. Dale was the EF Hutton of NASCAR. When he spoke everybody listened. Out of every tragedy something good generally happens. And as a result of his crash and death, NASCAR is 100% safer than it was 10 years ago - the cars, the helmets, the safety equipment, the safer barriers at the tracks. After 10 years they are still asking the same question that George Jones asked "Who's Gonna Fill There Shoes?".
I thought we were going to have the fairy tale ending and light the fire under the conspirator theory (NASCAR is fixed) camp when Dale Jr won the pole for the race and was in contention for the win when he had a flat tire that caused him to pit and then get caught up in a wreck. It would have been a good ending but it worked out pretty good with Trevor Bayne winning and putting the 21 of the Wood Brothers back in victory lane. It was just what NASCAR needed a flashback from the past with old school 21 paint scheme of David Pearson and a young (actually a kid - 20 years old who couldn't legally drink a beer in victory lane) up and coming hero winning the biggest race in NASCAR. All we need now is a villian.
Race Recap
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
They Lied - Basketball is a contact sport.
All my life everyone told me basketball was a non contact sport. I learned early on that this was a lie. It did take about 25+ years for me to get stitches but I was just lucky. Try telling Butler's Matt Howard that basketball is a non contact sport.
About 10 seconds into the video...
I haven't seen that much blood in a football game.
PS - been busy around "Our Life"...I have got plenty to blog about but just don't have the time.
About 10 seconds into the video...
I haven't seen that much blood in a football game.
PS - been busy around "Our Life"...I have got plenty to blog about but just don't have the time.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
I Love Snow
In honor of the Arctic blast that has crippled our nation (thank goodness, I don't live in that crap...better them than me) I found an old email chain letter that caused me to laugh and thought I would share it with everyone. I hope you get a laugh out it also...
Winter Diary
December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole World? Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.
December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we’ll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I’ll never want to see snow again. l don’t think that’s possible. Bob is such a nice man I’m glad he’s our neighbor.
December 14: Snow lovely snow! 8″ last night. The temperature dropped to 2. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. l didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish l wouldn’t huff and puff so.
December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4×4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife’s car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that’s silly. We aren’t in Alaska, after all.
December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, Which I think was very cruel.
December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove, but won’t admit it to her. God I hate it when she’s right. I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20: Electricity’s back on, but had another 14″ of the damn white stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Damn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re too busy playing hockey. I think they’re lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they’re out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they’re lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he’s lying.
December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white stuff fell today, and it’s so cold it probably won’t melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he’s too busy. I think the asshole is lying.
December 23: Only 2″ of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts!!! Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she’s lying.
December 24: 6″. Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the sob who drives that snowplow, I’ll drag him through the snow by his balls. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I’ve just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the snowplow.
December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel and told him Merry Christmas. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she’s an idiot. If I have to watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to kill her.
December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She’s really getting on my nerves.
December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.
December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is driving me crazy!!!!!
December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am? Got a bill from the town for not shoveling my driveway and sidewalk.
December 31: Set fire to what’s left of the house. No more shoveling.
Winter Diary
December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole World? Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.
December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we’ll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I’ll never want to see snow again. l don’t think that’s possible. Bob is such a nice man I’m glad he’s our neighbor.
December 14: Snow lovely snow! 8″ last night. The temperature dropped to 2. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. l didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish l wouldn’t huff and puff so.
December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4×4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife’s car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that’s silly. We aren’t in Alaska, after all.
December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, Which I think was very cruel.
December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove, but won’t admit it to her. God I hate it when she’s right. I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20: Electricity’s back on, but had another 14″ of the damn white stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Damn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re too busy playing hockey. I think they’re lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they’re out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they’re lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he’s lying.
December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white stuff fell today, and it’s so cold it probably won’t melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he’s too busy. I think the asshole is lying.
December 23: Only 2″ of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts!!! Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she’s lying.
December 24: 6″. Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the sob who drives that snowplow, I’ll drag him through the snow by his balls. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I’ve just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the snowplow.
December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel and told him Merry Christmas. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she’s an idiot. If I have to watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to kill her.
December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She’s really getting on my nerves.
December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.
December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is driving me crazy!!!!!
December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am? Got a bill from the town for not shoveling my driveway and sidewalk.
December 31: Set fire to what’s left of the house. No more shoveling.
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